Relief Society General Meeting 2013

My mom got tickets for the General Relief Society meeting for her, my sisters and I. Only Mom, Elizabeth, Sarah, and I were able to go, but it was so amazing!!!

I was so excited that Elizabeth came. She has been my partner in crime on more than one occasion. She's leaving in a couple weeks for her mission to Wisconsin! I can't believe she's old enough to be doing this. But she is and I couldn't be more proud! 

It was such a gorgeous day in Salt Lake! The days before had been so cold and it snowed at my mom's house! 

My wonderful mom and I. Seriously. This is one incredible lady. Her love and grace are incredible and unconditional. I'm so grateful for the example she has set for me all of my life and for the awesome grandma she is to my kids!!  

The three sisters! Sarah (on the left) is my only sibling that's married. She's pregnant with her first little boy!!! I'm so excited to have a nephew of my own!! (2 of Dustin's sisters have little boys, but it's so different for it to be MY sister!!) (Yes, I know it's blurry... Sorry. :/)

   

It really was such a great day! From trying to kill zombie flies in the car, waiting in line forever at Kneaders for lunch, eating the best salad of my life, laughing at the thousands of women that were everywhere we turned (not really laughing AT them. Just that there were SOOOO many!!!!), hashtagreliefsociety, bawling like a baby while trying to sing the songs, fantastic talks about giving service and sharing ourselves and our time, being uplifted and inspired to do good and share good and be good. It was all so much fun. I really hope that we can do this again and again!!!

Never Really Alone

I started this blog as a place to post my crafty projects. But I need it to be more than that sometimes, I've decided. It's mine, so I can do that, right? I wrote this post a bit ago and have been trying to decide if I wanted to post it or not. It's long, rambling, whiney, a bit embarrassing.

But here it is anyway. Be nice. ;)




I've been struggling a bit lately and it kind of makes me feel dumb.

My life isn't really harder than anyone else's. I'm incredibly blessed and grateful for all I have.

But some decisions I made about 6 and a half years ago are still impacting me today. I knew they would, though that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

I knew I was going to marry Dustin before we even went on our first date. I didn't know why and I thought I was going crazy. I prayed and prayed about it, and knew he was the one, but it still didn't make any sense to me.

I had always dated good Mormon boys in high school. In college, they were returned missionaries. More good boys.

Dustin smoked and drank. He swore up a storm. He hadn't been to church in at least 10 years, probably more. He wanted nothing to do with it.

This was the guy I was supposed to marry?

He wasn't all bad. Not even close. He was sweet as could be. Loving, loyal, supportive. He became my best friend and I couldn't imagine my life without him. But I didn't know how we would ever get married. I had stopped going to church regularly and wasn't doing everything I was supposed to, but I still really wanted to get married in the temple. I wouldn't accept anything less.

And then I got pregnant.

Not what I had planned, not how I had expected my prayers to be answered. But I can see now that that is exactly what had happened.

Dustin wasn't willing to change and I wasn't willing to give up. So we made a decision and were married. We had been taking about it for months and months, so it wasn't so crazy to us. Not the timing we wanted, but it was too late to pick.

Jayden was born about 6 months after we got married. We were so happy. He helped to heal broken hearts in my family and helped us to look beyond ourselves a little more.

When Jayden was about a year old, I decided to start going back to church. I had missed it. I still prayed, I still believed, I just didn't GO. I knew I needed it, my soul craved it. So, with a little divine intervention, I made an appointment with my bishop and started going again.

I took Jayden with me. He helped distract me from the stares and whispers that I knew were there. It took every bit of strength I had to keep going, keeping my chin up. I looked like I was there alone, except for my baby. But I wasn't. I knew I wasn't. Especially on the hardest Sundays, I knew there was someone else with me, giving me the courage and support to make it through those 3 hours and to go back again the next week.

I started taking a temple prep class, something I wanted so badly. As it ended, Dustin's dad moved in with us for about a month. And I got pregnant with Maycie (yay!!). And I got sick (not so yay). It was getting a little harder. Life was getting harder. I was hanging in though. Holding on tight.

I went through the temple on January 16, 2010. I was 7 months pregnant with Maycie. Emotional and massive. But I was there! I did it! Something I had always wanted. I did it. It was one of the best days in my life. I knew I was getting where I wanted to be.

It also ended up being one of the hardest days of my life. Dustin felt so shut out. Some family members said some things to him that made him feel like even more of an outsider. I spent a good part of the night crying, wondering if I had made a mistake. Done something that I wanted even though it was bad for us. I felt so selfish. But I still knew I had done the right thing.

The next day I went to church, afraid that when I got home, Dustin wouldn't be there. Afraid he had changed his mind and didn't want to be married to a church-going, temple-attending, garment-wearing girl (Yes, that was an issue. They're kind of awful if they mean something negative to you).

He was still there when I got home. He wasn't giving up on me.

We talked a lot that weekend. We cried. We prayed. We talked some more. We kissed a little bit. That does help fix things, in case you were wondering.

We realized that things were still okay, just a little different. We still loved each other. We loved Jayden (and the baby girl in my tummy). We weren't going anywhere or changing in any negative way. We were still us.

And here we are, married for 5 1/2 years. Two beautiful children, a nice little house, a goofy dog, and a happy family.

I still take my kids to church by myself. There are Sundays when I spend the entire Sacrament meeting fighting back tears of frustration. Some Sundays they leak out. As hard as it is, I never regret going. Ever.

I spoke in church on Easter. I dunno who had that crazy idea. But one of the things I kept going back to as I wrote my talk was that we could never give up and that we were never alone.

Out Heavenly Father knows when we feel discouraged, when we feel like giving up. But because of Christ's atoning sacrifice, we are never alone. Christ knows how we're feeling. His comfort and peace is always available to us. We just need to seek it, ask for it. The Lord sends us the companionship of the Holy Ghost to give us the comfort and peace that we seek.

On my hardest days, like today, it's so easy to forget that someone is looking out for me and wants to help me. I'm loved no matter how far from perfect I am. And believe me, I am pretty dang far from it. Prayer is one of the most powerful things we have. It gives us an opportunity to ask for help, blessings, comfort, guidance, give thanks, and just a chance to talk to our Father. There is no one better for us to talk to.

I'm so grateful for this life I have. For my good husband and all he does for our family and for me. I'm grateful for the daddy he is. I'm also grateful for my Father in Heaven and the peace he gives to me when I need it most.

Word To Live By: DO

The last time I blogged was almost a year ago. A year! It’s so dumb, because every time I do a project, I think about how it would look in a blog post. How I would stage the pictures. What I would say about it. But it never happens.
Part of my extended leave was because I’m completely intimidated by blogging sometimes. My photography skills leave much to be desired. I do most of my crafting at night and the lights in our house are awful, so to take pictures while I’m making something drives me crazy. They never look right, no matter how much I mess with them in editing. I have a secret dream in my heart to be a good photographer. I don’t care about being great, but I do want to be decent (I’m working on this. I got an awesome new camera and even took a photography class!!!). And it has been hard for me to put mediocre pictures up for others to see.
Another thing that I tend to do is compare myself to other mama-bloggers. I know it’s dumb, and I try not to, but it still happens. Some ladies seem to have everything together, new projects every day, gorgeous pictures, gorgeous homes, the perfect words to say. It’s intimidating!
I had to take a major step back last year and realize that I have 2 little kids. They are my main concern, my job. My husband’s work hours are difficult on us, to say the least. He is gone a lot. We see him every day, but usually for only a couple hours (I’m not complaining. I’m incredibly grateful for his job and that I can stay home with our kids. But we miss him.). It’s hard to get much done beyond a bit of cleaning and cooking while keeping an eye on my munchkins.
The last reason I haven’t blogged or done much of anything beyond the necessary was because I have been sick. A lot. Like stomach aches almost every night for months. I didn’t quite realize how often I was sick until Dustin pointed it out to me. I went to the Dr. and we did way too many tests and tried a couple meds and determined it was my gall bladder (even though there were not really any definite signs that something was wrong. Irritating!). I just had surgery last week and I guess my gall bladder was all scarred up. The Dr. said it looked like it had been giving me problems for a while. Yeah.
SOOOOooooo, I’m back now. Feeling much better, thank goodness.
I’ve been really inspired by all the bloggers picking a word for the year instead of making a bunch of resolutions. One word to work on. Sounds easy enough. And so I introduce you to my word for 2013:
 
This year I want to DO! Do service. Do fun things for my kids. Do special things for my husband. Do the projects I think of instead of just thinking. Do good. Do my best. Do more. Do. DO. DO!
Dear Yoda said it best.

(Jayden is loving Star Wars right now. I’m not complaining one bit.)

I spend so much time thinking of things I want to do. I have things that keep me from doing sometimes, but this year, I’ll do my best to DO anyway.

I’m really excited about it. I mean, unless I sit on my bum all day every day, I can’t fail. I have to do things every day. I’ll do them. And sometimes I’ll do more, do extra things.

I started a board on Pinterest of all the “DO” quotes that inspire me. I plan to add to it every time I find one. You can find my “Do” board here.

If you made it all the way through this, thank you. Dustin was reading over my shoulder for a minute and commented on how I really go all out writing for my blog. It made me laugh because it’s entirely untrue, except for today. I had a lot to say, for me and to me. And way too many excuses. ;)

Here’s to a fantastic 2013!