Never Really Alone

I started this blog as a place to post my crafty projects. But I need it to be more than that sometimes, I've decided. It's mine, so I can do that, right? I wrote this post a bit ago and have been trying to decide if I wanted to post it or not. It's long, rambling, whiney, a bit embarrassing.

But here it is anyway. Be nice. ;)




I've been struggling a bit lately and it kind of makes me feel dumb.

My life isn't really harder than anyone else's. I'm incredibly blessed and grateful for all I have.

But some decisions I made about 6 and a half years ago are still impacting me today. I knew they would, though that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

I knew I was going to marry Dustin before we even went on our first date. I didn't know why and I thought I was going crazy. I prayed and prayed about it, and knew he was the one, but it still didn't make any sense to me.

I had always dated good Mormon boys in high school. In college, they were returned missionaries. More good boys.

Dustin smoked and drank. He swore up a storm. He hadn't been to church in at least 10 years, probably more. He wanted nothing to do with it.

This was the guy I was supposed to marry?

He wasn't all bad. Not even close. He was sweet as could be. Loving, loyal, supportive. He became my best friend and I couldn't imagine my life without him. But I didn't know how we would ever get married. I had stopped going to church regularly and wasn't doing everything I was supposed to, but I still really wanted to get married in the temple. I wouldn't accept anything less.

And then I got pregnant.

Not what I had planned, not how I had expected my prayers to be answered. But I can see now that that is exactly what had happened.

Dustin wasn't willing to change and I wasn't willing to give up. So we made a decision and were married. We had been taking about it for months and months, so it wasn't so crazy to us. Not the timing we wanted, but it was too late to pick.

Jayden was born about 6 months after we got married. We were so happy. He helped to heal broken hearts in my family and helped us to look beyond ourselves a little more.

When Jayden was about a year old, I decided to start going back to church. I had missed it. I still prayed, I still believed, I just didn't GO. I knew I needed it, my soul craved it. So, with a little divine intervention, I made an appointment with my bishop and started going again.

I took Jayden with me. He helped distract me from the stares and whispers that I knew were there. It took every bit of strength I had to keep going, keeping my chin up. I looked like I was there alone, except for my baby. But I wasn't. I knew I wasn't. Especially on the hardest Sundays, I knew there was someone else with me, giving me the courage and support to make it through those 3 hours and to go back again the next week.

I started taking a temple prep class, something I wanted so badly. As it ended, Dustin's dad moved in with us for about a month. And I got pregnant with Maycie (yay!!). And I got sick (not so yay). It was getting a little harder. Life was getting harder. I was hanging in though. Holding on tight.

I went through the temple on January 16, 2010. I was 7 months pregnant with Maycie. Emotional and massive. But I was there! I did it! Something I had always wanted. I did it. It was one of the best days in my life. I knew I was getting where I wanted to be.

It also ended up being one of the hardest days of my life. Dustin felt so shut out. Some family members said some things to him that made him feel like even more of an outsider. I spent a good part of the night crying, wondering if I had made a mistake. Done something that I wanted even though it was bad for us. I felt so selfish. But I still knew I had done the right thing.

The next day I went to church, afraid that when I got home, Dustin wouldn't be there. Afraid he had changed his mind and didn't want to be married to a church-going, temple-attending, garment-wearing girl (Yes, that was an issue. They're kind of awful if they mean something negative to you).

He was still there when I got home. He wasn't giving up on me.

We talked a lot that weekend. We cried. We prayed. We talked some more. We kissed a little bit. That does help fix things, in case you were wondering.

We realized that things were still okay, just a little different. We still loved each other. We loved Jayden (and the baby girl in my tummy). We weren't going anywhere or changing in any negative way. We were still us.

And here we are, married for 5 1/2 years. Two beautiful children, a nice little house, a goofy dog, and a happy family.

I still take my kids to church by myself. There are Sundays when I spend the entire Sacrament meeting fighting back tears of frustration. Some Sundays they leak out. As hard as it is, I never regret going. Ever.

I spoke in church on Easter. I dunno who had that crazy idea. But one of the things I kept going back to as I wrote my talk was that we could never give up and that we were never alone.

Out Heavenly Father knows when we feel discouraged, when we feel like giving up. But because of Christ's atoning sacrifice, we are never alone. Christ knows how we're feeling. His comfort and peace is always available to us. We just need to seek it, ask for it. The Lord sends us the companionship of the Holy Ghost to give us the comfort and peace that we seek.

On my hardest days, like today, it's so easy to forget that someone is looking out for me and wants to help me. I'm loved no matter how far from perfect I am. And believe me, I am pretty dang far from it. Prayer is one of the most powerful things we have. It gives us an opportunity to ask for help, blessings, comfort, guidance, give thanks, and just a chance to talk to our Father. There is no one better for us to talk to.

I'm so grateful for this life I have. For my good husband and all he does for our family and for me. I'm grateful for the daddy he is. I'm also grateful for my Father in Heaven and the peace he gives to me when I need it most.

The. Best. Chocolate. Chip. Cookies. EVER.

Really. They’re that good. And the dough is even better.
I’ve had this recipe for around 5 years. I’m pretty sure I got it from another blog, but I just copied it down and didn’t write a source down. Lame. Because I really want to tell them how awesome these are.
This is what my recipe looks like. I keep it in the front cover of my recipe folder. It’s got a bunch of stains on it, that seem to have magically disappeared in the picture. Weird.

Start by creaming 1Tbs vanilla, 3 sticks softened butter, 1 1/4 c sugar, 1 1/4 c brown sugar, and 2 eggs.

This is what it looks like when it’s all creamed together. Yum!

I usually mix my dry ingredients in another bowl and whisk them together, though I forgot a picture of that step. 1 tsp salt, 2 tsp baking soda, 4 c flour. Add that in, about a cup at a time, until it’s well incorporated. Then add one bag of chocolate chips. Or one and a half. I think I added an extra half a bag of mini chips this batch.

These are my best friends for baking and cookie making.

Scoop the dough onto a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper and bake at 350 for 8-12 minutes. I do about 9 and they’re  perfect.

They should be just barely browning around the edges. Barely.

And look like this on the bottom. Soft, gooey cookies. No crunchers here.

I scoop my extra dough onto another cookie sheet and freeze it. When it’s frozen (it only takes an hour), I put them all in a gallon sized Ziploc with the cooking instructions written on the side. {They take an extra minute to bake when they’re frozen.}
I also throw one or two dough pieces in a bowl and put them in the microwave for 45-60 seconds when I’m craving a warm cookie but don’t want to eat make a whole batch.
  
I also love to share them with my favorite littles!

Enjoy!

The best chocolate chip cookies EVER!

1 Tbs vanilla extract (get the good kind, not imitation!)
1 1/2 C butter (3 sticks), softened
1 1/4 C sugar
1 1/4 C brown sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp salt
2 tsp baking soda
4 C flour
1 bag chocolate chips

Heat oven to 350.
Cream together butter, sugars, vanilla, and eggs.
Mix dry ingredients in a separate bowl and whisk to mix. Add to butter mixture, one cup at a time, until well mixed. Add chocolate chips.
Using a cookie scoop (or spoons, about 1 Tbs full), scoop dough onto a parchment paper lined cookie sheet. Bake for 8-12 minutes, or until bottoms are just barely golden brown.

Linking up here:

 

Remembering ME

(Click picture to go to the source site!)

Sometimes I forget who I am.
I'm Mommy.
I'm the wife.
I'm the sister, daughter, neighbor, friend.

But I'm also me.

I forget me. I forget the strong, capable woman I am. The confident gal I can be (she doesn't show up often enough).

Most importantly, sometimes I forget I'm a daughter of God. He loves me, no matter how imperfect I am. He doesn't care about the weight I can't lose. My messy hair, my shirt stained with messy kisses and handprints. My sink full of dishes (next to the empty dishwasher. Ha!!).

He cares about my spirit. My loves. The way I treat others. How I teach me kids. What I teach my kiddos.

I don't share personal things on here very often. I don't share anything very often. Ha! But this is MY blog, and I can write about what ever I want, right?! Yes, I can. And so I will. I'm going to share my story. The things I love. Things other than sewing and crafting.

Maybe sharing ME will inspire someone the way I have been inspired lately. I'll share more about that too. :)

So, be nice to yourself!!!!

Recent Projects

I got my sewing machine repaired after I finished all my Christmas orders. I don't how long it's been off, but it's so nice to do zigzags and buttonholes again! Well, I don't enjoy buttonholes, but at least I can do them again if I want to. And I got a serger for Christmas, so sewing has been sooooo much easier now. Yay!

Here are some recent things I've made:

This gray and yellow chevron dress and tie were an order for a friend who is about the have a little boy. I can't wait to see pictures of he and his big sister wearing these!


Maycie has a serious cheeser face these days. The cherry bubble dress was an idea I had and had to try it. It's not perfect, but it was a good start!


Harry Potter shirts for my sister's Sweethearts dance at school. A little iron on vinyl magic!


Valentines day boys shirts and dresses. :) I'll have to do a full post in them when the computer and my pictures are back. And the green dress is one I made for Maycie in October. It's already too short to be worn as a dress!

Instagram!!!!

So, obviously my "doing" more this year hasn't included blogging, but I've found plenty more to do.

Instagram is pretty much my favorite thing ever. (Follow me @lilmellomama!) I post pictures of most of the projects I work on there. And since our computer is in the shop, you get some pictures from my phone. Goll, you're so lucky! (This is also my first time posting from my phone, so we'll see how it goes...)

This awesome navy and yellow knit fabric was $1 a yard and Walmart. I bought the whole bolt. Plus some. And sent some to my newest IG friend. :) Hi Annie!!! I can't wait to whip up a maxi skirt and whatever else my little heart desires. I have plenty of fabric after all.


The next few are just some random pictures from our Spring so far. Giant, delicious strawberries. Fires in the back yard. A trip to the zoo. The 3 bags of Cadbury eggs Dustin brought me when I asked him to get me one bag. Love that man. My hips don't though. And I had to speak in church last week. Easter Sunday. I survived, barely. Hopefully it really was a decent talk and all the nice things people said to me after weren't lies. ;)

Happy Spring!!! I'm so ready for it, though I'm sure we still have more snow in store. Gotta love the crazy Utah weather!